User blog:Dorkpool/Creepypasta Riffs: The Ghost At School
Recently, someone said that the Creepypasta Land Wiki was dying or something like that. Considering some of the stuff I've found on there, it's not surprising. Take for example this little gem called "The Ghost At School", a story that feels like it was written by someone who goes to school...elementary school, that is. Am I being harsh? Well, let's randomly steal catchphrases, and Riff this bitch to find out. sup my peoplz, Good day to you, my illiterate acquaintance. '' I want to tell you a story from when I went to primary school, ''I want you to not do that. well what happened was, one day I decided to play soccer on the school oval with my best friends, witch I shall not name, (Narrator): …because his name is Liu, and that’s a stupid name. and we where playing and everything, then the ball got kicked really hard and flew really far away, I went to get it and when I was running I felt like I was being watched, but I didn't know why, Because Big Brother is a thing. I kept running after the ball and when I got to it, I looked up at the long fence around the oval and saw a girl that was standing behind one of the school desks, outside of the school, it was strange because the desk was covered in what looked like blood and claw marks, and I think a piece of paper and a pencil. The girl behind the desk was really tall Slender Man was never the same after the operation. and had black hair covering her face, she had pale skin, and a long red night gown, I think. It was really creepy and I remember it so clearly, anyway after I stared at the girl for a while I heard my friends call for me, once I looked at them I remembered I was chasing the ball that flew away, I reached down and grabbed it and ran towards my friends, while I was running I looked up to examine the girl again, but she wasn't there. By the Preservers, that’s… been done a million times. It’s actually pretty cliché. I told my closest friend and she said that I must of seen the ghost bloody marry, but I thought bloody marry had a white dress. after a while of thinking the bell went so I went to class, and in the middle of class I sort of blacked out and saw the words 'YOUR NEXT' written in blood. Whatever that is, it sucks at using proper grammar. I thought I was hallucinating so I went home sick, and didn't think anything of it. (Narrator): Then again, I usually don’t think, so this is nothing new. If anyone knew what I saw please tell me, and if you don't believe this than, oh well I don't care it scared the fudge outa me, oh and I know that Jane the killer says this but I don't care.... Don't go to sleep....... you wont wake up!!! Ummm…ok…why did you say that? END RIFF Well, this sucks. Why, you wonder? Where do I begin? For starters, the spelling and grammar isn't very good. Hell, it's pretty bad, actually. Second, the plot. There's really not much of one. Granted, some stories can get away with that if they're short and very well written, but this one definitely doesn't. Third, it's kind of cliché. Seeing some being, looking away, and then that being's gone? Cliché. Writing in blood? Cliché. Fourth, starting your story with "sup my peoplz". Maybe if this story were supposed to be told through a chat forum, like "Candle Cove", I could get that, but here it's just stupid and unnecessary. And speaking of stupid and unnecessary, what was with having Jane the Killer's catchphrase at the end? She's not in the story at all, and the phrase itself doesn't add much to the plot. Was it there because the writer liked the phrase? Whatever. Point is, this story is stupid. And as for trying to save the Creepypasta Land Wiki...I actually recommend you do. It makes it easier for me to find crappy stories to Riff. So, what do you guys think? Is the story good? Was the Riff good? Should we save the Creepypasta Land Wiki? Do you wish the phrase "YOUR NEXT" would be written in blood on my wall? Leave your thoughts in the comments below. Category:Blog posts